I’m at a really low spot, and, to be completely honest, I can’t tell if it’s an attack from the devil or just me…or both.
I started this church with some friends about 3.5 years ago. I still call it church, although it’s almost only completely my family. Does it count as church growth if I just keep having kids?
I look for platitudes to excuse all my people leaving like “God just worked it down to the core members” or “Now that the bad folks are gone we can really build something”.
This current church is actually my fourth attempt. Three failures and now this.
I never see my best friend. He lives in Chicago.
In a big church when people lay out, you don’t notice as much. In a small church when it happens, you’re alone.
Most of the pastors I consulted before I started this church said, “Don’t do it.” One of them even said, “That’s not a church.”
I had one person leave because she said I didn’t use enough Bible in the messages.
I had another person tell me I’m not fit to be a Pastor. Even if they’re wrong, that one hurts.
One of my most active members is ministering to a prison…as an inmate.
One of my members doesn’t come because they need their quiet time on Sundays. Another one works most Sundays.
I may lose a couple of my members soon because they’re in relationships where their significant others may take them away to other churches.
99% of the church giving is my tithe. I guess that makes my church self-funded, huh?
I cancelled our midweek services because no one was coming.
I’m trying to do something new, something where people that don’t go to church, have been hurt by church, or even hate church can feel welcome. I’m trying to create a place where nerds, geeks, tattooed people, and pierced people are welcome. I’m trying to create a place where people who don’t know what immutability and sanctification mean can come and learn.
But, I’ll be honest, right now all I want to do is quit.
If I close the doors this Sunday, I wonder if anyone would even know.